The Celtic Monk

I've spent the past few weeks reading and researching burnout in people who minister to others. While most of the research focused on ordained clergy, anyone in ministry, anyone whose livelihood puts them at the service of others, fit the criteria and the potential for living focused outside of themselves. After a while, that's what causes the deep tiredness that makes us wonder if we really want to continue or if we might be ready to throw in the towel. One of the significant causes of burnout for people in helping professions is called "Vision Conflict." That's a really fancy phrase that simply means: what I see and desire is not what you see and desire. The result is tension and stress; the perpetual kind like the little pebble in your shoe. Another cause is "Compassion Fatigue." Compassion fatigue happens when we keep helping others even when we are no longer able to help ourself. While it works for a while, maybe, sooner or later we become so...

There’s a program running on my computer called “Progress Thru Processors.” It silently, usually invisibly runs in the background. It runs all the time. If my computer has been idle for a while the program comes up as a screen saver—to show me just what its doing. It’s easy to sign up for the opportunity to allow this program to run on a computer anytime its not in use. I was able to pick from a list of worthwhile agencies all needing processor time to do huge studies requiring millions of hours of computer time. It would not be feasible, or cost effective, for them to buy all the computers it would take…so they simply ask folks to ‘lend’ them time on their personal computers. To date, these silent programs have logged over 5,000 hours of processor time on my computer alone. It’s mind-boggling. Three different agencies use my processor while I’m not using it. Rosetta@ home is studying proteins & their affect on disease like Alzheimer’s and HIV. Climateprediction.net is...

On Saturday I walked into Health Park Hospital with Grandson Isaac and Granddaughter Lauren to see their new brother Liam Thomas, born at 8:30 on Friday night. He was only 14 hours old when we arrived for our sibling visit. We exited the elevator on the birthing floor and of course turned left when we should have turned right. A passing physician pointed us in the right direction. New big sister Lauren, in her best "Type A - extrovert" fashion said to the doctor: "We're going to see my brother Liam Thomas, we love him." The physician, who likely has heard a lot of sibling bravado, instantly got the biggest smile on his face. As he looked up from her prouncement I said, "Yes, we love him and we haven't even met him yet." While big sister's spontaneous declaration of love was precious there was more to come. It seems there are responsibilities that accompany such an outpouring of love like being the first to hold her little brother. When all...

I wrote my first reflection paper today which begins in earnest my Benedictine Oblate candidacy. The topic was holiness. In his Rule, Benedict only wrote briefly on the subject RB 4:61 "Not to wish to be called holy before one is holy; but first to be holy; that one may be truly so called." Most interesting to me in trying to discern Benedict's meaning was what came immediately before and after in the Rule. Line 61 reminds monks to obey the Abbot/Abbess; line 62 is a call to fulfil God's commands in daily deeds. You can read the Rule of Benedict for yourself by following this link to St. John's Abbey. While I am not a scholar on Benedict, it seems to me that at least somewhere in his thinking was the fact that how we respond to people within our community (RB4:60) and how we live in response to God (RB4:62) are the very fabric of our holiness. That holiness is not a goal of the life of a follower of Christ, as much as it is a fruit of living as Christ lived. ...

In my reading these past few weeks I've been accompanying Job the mythical biblical character who if he didn't have misfortune, would have no fortune at all. I spent time remembering my teacher in the Job course at Columbia Theological Seminary, Dr. Kathleen O'Connor, http://www.ctsnet.edu/FacultyMember.aspx?ID=32 and her depth of knowledge about and compassion towards this one called Job. I've used the passages from this book as they came up in the Sunday lectionary before...but right now...am finding new learnings from this guy no one wants to emulate. The first of those learnings is that even as children of God, or perhaps especially as children of God, the only way to get beyond suffering is to go through it. Job had to go through it. Abraham had to go through it. Moses had to go through it. Jacob had to go through it. Jesus and Paul and Peter all walked into the suffering that was before them. If I'm remembering any of Psychology 101, this Theology 101 o...

Guilt.Shame.Ought.Should.Law My given name is guilt, shame, ought, should, law. And I learned well to live my name. My up-bringing by my blessedly religious family prepared me to continue the guilt and shame, ought’s and should’s well into my adult life—to keep me on the straight and narrow path. I can use each of my names to measure myself and others…to see if we’re up to the demands of law by which I define myself (and you). It’s really been work to continue to live in constant guilt, shame, ought’s, should’s and by the letter of the law. But by God, I do it, because isn’t that what He teaches? I had a neighbor once whose given name was freedom. peace,.spaciousness.grace and permission. She lived very differently than we did at my house. But to tell you the truth, I’m a little suspicious of her and her kind. All that ‘love as God loves’ stuff. ‘Being rather than doing’. ‘Living in the present moment.’ ‘Trusting the invisible Spirit.’ What need do I have for an invisib...

My spiritual journey along with taking me inward to a deep interior life -- occasionally takes me outward in search of new ways, new experiences, new things. This week my quest for God brought me to St. John's Abbey in Collegeville Minnesota...to spend a week practicing the art of group spiritual direction with friends from the Shalem Institute. Our time together since Thursday has been rich indeed. Full days of being both intentional and gentle with one another as we intend together to open space for God to speak into our lives and our spirits. It is as fully as I've ever experienced a prayerfully orchestrated kairos moment where waiting on God takes precedence over all else. It's an exercise in trust and freedom... where a core experience and gift we offer one another is a total lack of judgment. There are no fixing conversations...no oughts, shoulds, or subtle spiritual one-ups-man-ship conversations. It's an intentional time of grace. Outside the ten foot by ...