Teach Me To Pray

PATH TO THE LABYRINTH SAM BUILT FOR
ME IN OUR BACKYARD.

How's your prayer life?  How has it changed over the years?  Does it make your heart sing?  Or do you have the sense that something is missing?  There has been some amazing theological reflection done in the past decade on spirituality during the second half of life.  Even before you wonder if you are in the second half of life let me ask you...do you remember Howdy Doody?  If so, you're here!

I'm in my final residency (this week and next) with The Shalem Institute at a wonderful retreat setting outside of Baltimore.  Already we've had some amazing teaching, silence, peer group interaction and significant time with  our prayer partners.  Rosemary Dougherty who has literally written the book on prayer spent all day Wednesday with us lecturing and leading us in prayer practices.  This kind of rich spiritual experience makes our days which begin in prayer at 7:45 a.m. and go till 9:00 p.m. seem much too short.

And yet, when's the last time someone asked about your prayer life?  When is the last time you sought out new prayer practices that might take you deeper and closer into the heart of God?  How adventuresome are you in prayer?  Or maybe you're doing what I did for so long,  just keep repeating the same things and hoping for different results.  When's the last time your prayer seemed to change the axis of the universe?

Though my prayer life has changed dramatically over the past 4 or 5 years, I realized as Rosemary shared that it still isn't what it could be.  Truthfully, I'd be so bold as to confess it isn't what God wants for me.  I've been rather creative in trying new ways to spend my prayer time -- yet I realized again this week how very stuck I still am doing those things that were new to me 30 years ago. Then they were new and exciting... now they're simply 30 years older.

Allow me to share with you my breakthrough:  I admitted that I wasn't satisfied.  In prayer (and with some fear and trembling) I told God that I wasn't satisfied with this meager communication that too often seemed one way.  I admitted that although I knew we'd made some strides, I wanted more.  My prayer (complaining about prayer) wasn't nice or neat and may even have been a little hostile at times.  But here it is:  God is big enough to hear whatever we have to say.  Not only that, God loves us enough to respond when we seek Him with our whole heart.

Rosemary would tell you that I went through the steps of Purgative, Illuminative and Unitive prayer all in one day of silent wrestling with God over my prayer life.  I will tell you that I began early this morning a little miffed and sad because my prayer times didn't seem to be increasing in depth and love...but that by God's grace, in 12 hours of silent seeking and many tears later, I knew God heard and answered.  Like Jacob with the angel of the Lord, I'd done some wrestling today and God was gracious--more than gracious.

Have you wrestled with God lately?  Is there some part of your relationship with God that you know needs attention but that you've just kind of let go?  Are you settling for lukewarm in your spiritual life?  What are you waiting for?

My odyssey began in earnest when I mustered up the courage to tell God the truth about how I was feeling; with the sugar coating washed away and the gloves off.  The One who is All Love, didn't blink but held me up so I could tell Him some more. 

How's your prayer life?  I'd love to talk to you about it.  IN PEACE AND JOY (MUCH, MUCH, JOY)   Kathleen Bronagh Weller, THE CELTIC MONK