ON BEING


This could easily be a photograph of a winding road in Northern Ireland.  The winding, the variety of greens, the stone fence, the economy of a road without any shoulder all serve to lead us to our conclusion.  And yet all might lead us to the wrong conclusion. It is "Monks Road" in Kentucky.

I wonder if we, in our lives, aren't sometimes like this photograph; wondering if sometimes when people see us, that they are misled.  Do others see us and assume one thing, when something else is true?  And what about us-ourselves?  Is there a way in us--or are there parts of us--that on close inspection, upon serious reflection are not true of us, or not true of us anymore yet we continue behaving the same, continue going through the motions?  Are we living our real lives?

I'm not offering a value judgment.  I'm not saying we are disingenuous. What I am saying is that when there is a picture in our mind sometimes its easiest even seemingly most natural to continue living that picture.  The thoughts go something like this:  "I've always been this way."  "It's all I know."  "I'm good at it."  Or even,  "It's how I earn my living."  "What else would I do?"  Do we live the picture even when the picture is of someone far from our best self?  Even when we have a hint that the picture is of someone entirely unlike who we were intended to be?

My hunch is that along the course of our life people of good intention ... people with our best interest in mind... teachers, mentors, parents, friends suggested what they saw in us--and we began to follow that picture...we became that photograph...and lived that life. We didn't do it to do harm or with bad motives for ourselves or others.  Maybe it was the best self with which we could come up--and through the course of time we developed skills and were rewarded.  And yet with the purest of motives, for many of us it was never our photograph, our true self that we were/are living.

And I wonder if there haven't been moments along the way when we saw the sail of the boat we never piloted, or heard the whistle of the train we never caught, or listened to the whisper in the wind and heard a familiar call...but we ignored it and continued to ignore it...because we were living this photograph now...until finally we didn't hear or see those glimpses anymore.

In my meditation classes you will often hear it said that we are only ever beginners.  And while its true of meditation, its true of our whole life as well.  It may seem like we are too deep into a way, or too far along a path, or even up to our necks in one particular photograph of our life.   But it is never too late to change...metanoia...to turn around.

It takes some degree of courage, honesty, and especially grace even to examine the old photograph that we've used as plumb. But God is generous in grace. And when we are ready Love shows up to help us learn to be a beginner. The gentle nurture of the Holy Spirit softens our defenses and we see as if for the first time, hear as if for the first time, and the world opens up before us as if for the first time.

This is the life of faith -- learning to be who we were created to be at any age or any stage.  In this reflective season of Lent may you experience the courage and grace to investigate whispers and photographs.

In peace and in joy,  Kathleen Bronagh Weller  the celtic monk

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