The Celtic Monk

For the first time in I can't remember how long I'm not running at break-neck speed towards Christmas. Monday was my only day in the office at the church this week. The bulletins for Christmas Eve and the Sunday after Christmas were mostly done before the 4th Sunday in Advent and needed only some final touches. No department nor grocery store will see me this week. All the packages are wrapped and tagged and waiting to take their place under the tree. I will be making some more cookies however. We've managed to nibble our way through the cookies we made the week after Thanksgiving. There are no cookies left to give away...and I always give away some of our favorites that are only baked at this time of the year. I'm aware of being able to 'sense' Christmas in a way that's impossible when holiday obligations have me in a strangle hold. There have been ordinary moments, doing just ordinary things that have seemed like a gift. This morning even the late arr

" Our faith ought to be capable of filling our hearts with a wonder and a wisdom which see beyond the surface of things and events, and grasp something of the inner and “sacred” meaning of the cosmos which, in all its movements and all its aspects, sings the praises of its Creator and Redeemer." Thomas Merton As I've made my twice weekly trip, first north 100 miles to Bradenton and then south 150 miles to Naples, I've watched with great interest the outside temperature gauge on my dashboard instrument panel. For instance, this past week when I left home at 5:45 Sunday morning it was a chilly 50 degrees. As I crossed the Peace River, I lost three degrees. As I reached the Sarasota County line, I lost three more degrees, even though by then the sun was up and the fog was burning off. When living in Indiana, Sam and I would often comment on the climate line that seemed to run right through the city of Terra Haute. That was where the weather changed from what we we

I've spent the past few weeks reading and researching burnout in people who minister to others. While most of the research focused on ordained clergy, anyone in ministry, anyone whose livelihood puts them at the service of others, fit the criteria and the potential for living focused outside of themselves. After a while, that's what causes the deep tiredness that makes us wonder if we really want to continue or if we might be ready to throw in the towel. One of the significant causes of burnout for people in helping professions is called "Vision Conflict." That's a really fancy phrase that simply means: what I see and desire is not what you see and desire. The result is tension and stress; the perpetual kind like the little pebble in your shoe. Another cause is "Compassion Fatigue." Compassion fatigue happens when we keep helping others even when we are no longer able to help ourself. While it works for a while, maybe, sooner or later we become so

There’s a program running on my computer called “Progress Thru Processors.” It silently, usually invisibly runs in the background. It runs all the time. If my computer has been idle for a while the program comes up as a screen saver—to show me just what its doing. It’s easy to sign up for the opportunity to allow this program to run on a computer anytime its not in use. I was able to pick from a list of worthwhile agencies all needing processor time to do huge studies requiring millions of hours of computer time. It would not be feasible, or cost effective, for them to buy all the computers it would take…so they simply ask folks to ‘lend’ them time on their personal computers. To date, these silent programs have logged over 5,000 hours of processor time on my computer alone. It’s mind-boggling. Three different agencies use my processor while I’m not using it. Rosetta@ home is studying proteins & their affect on disease like Alzheimer’s and HIV. Climateprediction.net is

On Saturday I walked into Health Park Hospital with Grandson Isaac and Granddaughter Lauren to see their new brother Liam Thomas, born at 8:30 on Friday night. He was only 14 hours old when we arrived for our sibling visit. We exited the elevator on the birthing floor and of course turned left when we should have turned right. A passing physician pointed us in the right direction. New big sister Lauren, in her best "Type A - extrovert" fashion said to the doctor: "We're going to see my brother Liam Thomas, we love him." The physician, who likely has heard a lot of sibling bravado, instantly got the biggest smile on his face. As he looked up from her prouncement I said, "Yes, we love him and we haven't even met him yet." While big sister's spontaneous declaration of love was precious there was more to come. It seems there are responsibilities that accompany such an outpouring of love like being the first to hold her little brother. When all

I wrote my first reflection paper today which begins in earnest my Benedictine Oblate candidacy. The topic was holiness. In his Rule, Benedict only wrote briefly on the subject RB 4:61 "Not to wish to be called holy before one is holy; but first to be holy; that one may be truly so called." Most interesting to me in trying to discern Benedict's meaning was what came immediately before and after in the Rule. Line 61 reminds monks to obey the Abbot/Abbess; line 62 is a call to fulfil God's commands in daily deeds. You can read the Rule of Benedict for yourself by following this link to St. John's Abbey. While I am not a scholar on Benedict, it seems to me that at least somewhere in his thinking was the fact that how we respond to people within our community (RB4:60) and how we live in response to God (RB4:62) are the very fabric of our holiness. That holiness is not a goal of the life of a follower of Christ, as much as it is a fruit of living as Christ lived.

In my reading these past few weeks I've been accompanying Job the mythical biblical character who if he didn't have misfortune, would have no fortune at all. I spent time remembering my teacher in the Job course at Columbia Theological Seminary, Dr. Kathleen O'Connor, http://www.ctsnet.edu/FacultyMember.aspx?ID=32 and her depth of knowledge about and compassion towards this one called Job. I've used the passages from this book as they came up in the Sunday lectionary before...but right now...am finding new learnings from this guy no one wants to emulate. The first of those learnings is that even as children of God, or perhaps especially as children of God, the only way to get beyond suffering is to go through it. Job had to go through it. Abraham had to go through it. Moses had to go through it. Jacob had to go through it. Jesus and Paul and Peter all walked into the suffering that was before them. If I'm remembering any of Psychology 101, this Theology 101 o

Guilt.Shame.Ought.Should.Law My given name is guilt, shame, ought, should, law. And I learned well to live my name. My up-bringing by my blessedly religious family prepared me to continue the guilt and shame, ought’s and should’s well into my adult life—to keep me on the straight and narrow path. I can use each of my names to measure myself and others…to see if we’re up to the demands of law by which I define myself (and you). It’s really been work to continue to live in constant guilt, shame, ought’s, should’s and by the letter of the law. But by God, I do it, because isn’t that what He teaches? I had a neighbor once whose given name was freedom. peace,.spaciousness.grace and permission. She lived very differently than we did at my house. But to tell you the truth, I’m a little suspicious of her and her kind. All that ‘love as God loves’ stuff. ‘Being rather than doing’. ‘Living in the present moment.’ ‘Trusting the invisible Spirit.’ What need do I have for an invisib

My spiritual journey along with taking me inward to a deep interior life -- occasionally takes me outward in search of new ways, new experiences, new things. This week my quest for God brought me to St. John's Abbey in Collegeville Minnesota...to spend a week practicing the art of group spiritual direction with friends from the Shalem Institute. Our time together since Thursday has been rich indeed. Full days of being both intentional and gentle with one another as we intend together to open space for God to speak into our lives and our spirits. It is as fully as I've ever experienced a prayerfully orchestrated kairos moment where waiting on God takes precedence over all else. It's an exercise in trust and freedom... where a core experience and gift we offer one another is a total lack of judgment. There are no fixing conversations...no oughts, shoulds, or subtle spiritual one-ups-man-ship conversations. It's an intentional time of grace. Outside the ten foot by

As I tiptoe through Mark's Gospel, I continue to be aware of his reality based description of the disciples. Mark sugar coats nothing about this gangly bunch who at one moment appear to understand profound truths and in the next display the insight of a toad. Time and again Jesus shows them the mysteries of a life of faith and they fail to understand. So time and again Jesus gathers them around and once more teaches them all that human eyes and understanding cannot comprehend. I've to come to believe it's not in the grasping of holy truth, it's not in our perfect understanding much less perfect execution of holiness that God looks for in a disciple. [consider Peter] Rather, God looks for the mystical center of a disciple: a heart that is willing to break over the things that break God's heart; men and women who daily waste time with Him and have the conviction to act on what they find in those encounters. The mystical center of a disciple is seeded and establi

The lesson of this mornings sermon was how to reflect the LIGHT that God sent into the world, rather than being part of the quarelling darkness for which Paul chastizes the church in Corinth. It was a call to a way of life instructed not by human understanding -- but by the deeper things of God which can be ours when we seek them. Living in the LIGHT demands more of us than being a clanging cymbal; yet we all have the potential to live as brightly shining lamps. It does however take intention on our part. We must choose to reflect our higher calling. We must desire to be God's witnesses in season and out. We must make time to devote to 'gazing on God, and having God gaze on us.' Being LIGHT is what we offer God as our grateful response for all God has done for us. It doesn't happen by accident or mindlessly, but only with our will submitted to Christ. Being a clanging cymbal is much easier. To be a clanging cymbal all we have to do is engage our mouth with any tho

Friends have come to our aid in ways great and small since hearing about our car accident on Saturday morning. The phone calls and emails have meant so much. The loan of a vehicle for Sean and Shana, who don't have rental car insurance, was over the top. It's an amazing thing belonging to the Body of Christ, and to the Presbyterian Church in Peace River. I thank God at every remembrance of each of you who have reached out to us in Christian love. While we wait for insurance companies to sort out the mess of tangled cars and wait to learn what we need to do next, I am aware of the blessing of having all four of us: Sam, me, Isaac and Lauren walk away from so much destruction. Polly said it well, "your angel was with you." Presbyterian's aren't known for speaking about angels much, for which there are likely myriad reasons. Such spiritual beings seem alternately spooky, childish or anti-intellectual to most. Not worth considering to others. And yet... Over the y

Yesterday was a roller coaster ride of experiences and emotions. In the morning I said good-bye to the congregation of Moorings Presbyyerian Church which I served for a little over 18 months. From the farewell, I enjoyed lunch with new friends and then off to preach for the installation of the newest member of Peace River Presbytery at Vanderbilt. A warm welcome of a new ministry is so heartening, both for the minister and the congregation. The words of promise and affirmation to Ed on the occasion of his new call renewed my hope in the Church. I keep finding myself in bittersweet times like yesterday. Sad to be leaving a place where, my heart tells me, my work was not yet finished. Yet at the same time excited for what God has in mind. It feels as though I am living at the vanishing point. I can well see what was behind and cannot yet see what's ahead. The constant in the divergence of experiences yesterday was the center of peace amidst the emotions. In the morning when Ki

I often make a little detour on my way home that takes me through the protected wetlands that surround the airport. On any given day its like going to the zoo. There are anhinga's drying their wings, wild pigs and turkey, deer,egrets, giant blue heron and in season several sand hill cranes. At dusk one day this past spring a panther crossed the small access road right in front of my car! Also depending on the season I watch the water level of the wetlands rise and fall. Since it's our rainy season, the once parched fields look like perfect lakes that stretch on and on. All manner of animal and foul make their way around the fertile shore looking for a meal. No matter the stress of my day one loop through the wetlands has almost an anesthetizing affect on my soul. I'm so please to catch a glimpse of one of God's 'wild things.' I feel so privileged to have this opportunity to observe these creatures in their natural habitat just being what they were meant to

Friday was a big day. Our three year old grand-daughter Lauren arrived at 7:30 in the morning ready for a full day of fun things to do. On the schedule was a little maintenance around the house, a trip to the beach, haircuts for all of us and then a trip to the play park to dig up a few artifacts. Twice during the day, I listened to a new phrase from Lauren that I'd never heard before. "Hey Papa, Wait Up!" The first time he'd walked out the front door and out towards the car port. Not knowing where he was going was more than she could stand. And a 'hey papa, wait up" sounded as she ran after him. The second time was at the beach as we bobbed in the warm Gulf waters. Papa had already done a little diving to find treasures in the sand and brought back several live sand dollars that we held in our hands and watched the soft hairs around their breathing hole open and close. Then as we sat in the shallow water, he'd told us to sit very still as a pod of

As my colleagues have gone on vacation this month, I'm looking ahead to preaching the remaining four Sunday's in August. I'm so pleased that as I began to prepare I found that the lectionary takes us to the Gospel of John. It's not the particular content which will begin this Sunday in John's 6th chapter that makes my heart pitter-patter, rather, how John approaches Jesus on every page of his Gospel. John, like me, sees the mystery, the unknown and the unknowable in this man Jesus. John believes that our human understanding will only take us so far and lest God meet us, we will remain clueless. The way past the sleepiness of our comprehension for John is this man Jesus. And one of the first things John would have us know about Jesus is that He is no mere man at all... but God Incarnate. Jesus is unlike anyone who came before Him and there will not be another after Him. It's not our human reasoning that will bring us to these things, no matter the score we ear

As I've proceeded along the path that is opening before me (which I trust is Holy Spirit led) I find myself doing things I never dreamed of doing or frankly never cared too much about. One of those is writing Articles of Incorporation to become recognized as a ministry organization in the state of Florida. The Articles include: * A Purpose Statement in less than 240 characters (including spaces) * A short description of who you are, what you intend to do and who you're intending to do it with * A Dissolution Statement that explains where all your worldly goods will go when the organization as an entity ceases to exist * and a $87.50 filing fee. The more I thought about the Articles of Incoporation for Peace River Spirituality Center, Inc. the more they reminded me of The Rule of St. Benedict or really any Rule of Life that someone has taken the time to write. What is a Rule other than a document explaining our understanding of our purpose...a plan for what we'

Earlier tonight on Book TV C-SPAN 2, I heard Stephen Baker, a writer from Business Week talk about his recent book THE NUMERATI. http://www.thenumerati.net/ It's about the unknown multitudes who gather data on people -- all kinds of data -- and use it to make generalizations about the population, predict trends, and sell their findings in the form of research. Listening to him could almost make you never, ever, ever fill out another survey or questionnaire of any kind. Little pieces of information standing on their own, without a context can be misleading. My dad was fond of saying that a lot of folks "had just enough information to make them dangerous." I didn't understand what he meant for a long time. And I don't know exactly when it was that I understood how true that oft repeated saying of his really was. Thinking we know more than we really do can make us act in foolish or reckless ways. Actually, I think little bit of knowledge, besides being able to lead

Yesterday we joined the throngs to see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. If you've read the book there are no surprises...just waiting for the last movie. But I'm getting ahead of myself. In this sequel we learn how the villian planned to assure his own immortality. He beleived that if you killed someone, a part of your soul own broke off, and hiding it gave you access to eternity. There are seven pieces of Voldemort's soul for Harry and friends to find. It's the wisdom figure "Dumbledore" who sees through the flawed logic. [I can't tell you how it would ruin the last movie.] For now, think with me about the reverse Christology of this diabolical belief of killing another for personal eternal reward. In the Gospel we learn that it's in the One who died for us, that we find eternal life; that it's in an act of self-giving and not life taking by which eternity is won. And that it's in our daily acts of 'dying to self' that we parta

Tonight for the fourth night in the past week, we went out into the backyard to watch the north-eastern sky one minute after the scheduled take-off of the space shuttle. Believe it or not, being a mere 180 miles away is still a good seat for these events. In daytime launches, we can see the vapor trail as it heads into orbit. For night-time launches we can see the light disappearing into the sky. The first three times over the past seven days, we didn't tune-in to watch the countdown; we just went outside at the appointed time. It wasn't until we'd spent several minutes getting chewed-up by mosquitos that we realized it didn't launch. Tonight we tuned in to CNN and waited until it was 30-seconds-and-counting to go outside. Imagine our surprise when for the first time all week there were too many clouds in SW Florida to have a clear view of the NE sky, the direction of the take-off. One each previous night, while the sky had looked clear here, there were storms at Sat

Early this past spring, I attended a three day workshop offered by the Committee on Ministry of Peace River Presbytery. Most of it was expected and helpful. Yet on the last day the presenter, from the Lombard Mennonite Peace Center, began to talk about Systems Theory and Spirituality for the church leader. I wondered if I was dreaming. During the course of the day, he used the teachings of Fr. John Main to instruct us in meditation techniques for anxious pastors of anxious congregations. At one point we all gathered to spend half an hour meditating together in the sanctuary. Not being new to meditation I thought to myself:"wow, this is great,a workshop with a built-in relaxation time!" But when we returned to our most uncomfortable meeting room to de-brief our experience... I realized that this time of group meditation was profoundly different than when I set aside time to meditate alone. I listened as one participant spoke about sounds I never heard. Another commented

Do you remember those mad rushes to church as a child? Awakened out of a sound peaceful sleep by an anxious parent. Cold cereal so that your stomach doesn’t growl during the silence. Clothes to put on that were a little too stiff, a little too clean, a little too much like they belonged to someone else. Shoes that hurt your feet, because you never wore them often enough to break them in. Hurry, we’re going to be late! I wondered during worship this morning (yes I was day-dreaming) when the awful “had to go to church because my parents made me go” turned into “I can’t possibly miss, because I have an ache that needs worship salve, a spiritual void inside that needs to be filled.” When did my body and soul first feel hungry if a Sabbath passed and I did not gather with my sisters and brothers in faith? When was it that on vacation, I began by Thursday looking for a little church to worship with on Sunday? Preaching almost every week came close to ruining me as a worshiper. Attending othe

There are no beginnings without endings. A new job means the end of a time of preparation either at school or an apprenticeship or the end of an old job. The birth of a child, an awesome beginning, means the end of some freedom for first time parents, or at the very least the end of sleeping at will. The beginning of spring means we say good-bye to winter — the beginning of my favorite season of autumn means farewell to the fresh fruits of summer. Beginning a new hobby means I won’t have as much time for the old one, or other things that occupied my time. A new home means the old one now belongs to someone else and is now only a place of memory for me. Perhaps that’s why beginnings are often bittersweet; each beginning is also an ending. The beginning of this blog is a farewell to the past 15 years I’ve spent in parish ministry as an ordained minister of word and sacrament. Its the beginning of a new ministry of spiritual direction and spiritual companioning…but for the first time in m